Heavenly Father's Love, After Abuse

A Heavenly Father’s Love

          How can one possibly get out of these anger fangs which are a carry-over from the life-altering abuses perpetrated by a father? Is there any way the yearning heart can connect to the loving Father in heaven who is 100% different than an abusive father?

          The enclosed form letter is designed to be used for anyone seeking to find freedom from the jaws of father-rage and pursue a living and loving relationship with the heavenly Father.Hope and Healing for Abused

To Dad,

   This letter is just to tell you that my life has been devastated due to not receiving a true perspective of God as my Father because of how I was treated by you, my blood father. The verbal lashings produced fear to speak to God. The physical beatings make Him look scary and violent. The filth and sexual abuse portray that I’m too filthy and unacceptable for Him and that He is standing over me as a judge for being so dirty. The rejection and abandonment make it feel like a heavenly Father cannot be trusted. And the way you always hurt my mom with your words and actions while you said that you loved her made me to be very scared of love. That means if God is love He will hurt me.

          Dad, I want you to know that I choose to forgive and release you, with all your abusive words and actions, into the hand of Jesus. I choose to release to Christ all the false perceptions of God which you portrayed and I renounce them all with His power. I choose to forgive and release the false love you displayed to my mother, and I claim the divine love of Jesus to be my guide for love. I choose to forgive and release all the filth and sexual perversions you committed against me which produced a shameful fear of a heavenly Father.

Dad, I release you into the hand of the Lord for Him to deal with; and I ask Him to grant you a suitable blessing today. I reclaim my life through Jesus as God designed it should be. Every generational sin and stronghold created through the abuses I renounce and claim the blood of Jesus over it so that they will not dictate my future. I request Jesus to take back all the ground Satan gained in me and I yield that ground to His control. May God bless and keep you and show you the true love of Himself. – Your Son/Daughter

Will Somebody Listen to My Cry?

“Will Somebody Listen? Does Nobody Care?”

Written on behalf of abused, suffering & sacrificed children

“Will somebody listen? Oh, please hear my cry!

Can nobody hear me? I’m ready to die!

I cannot get free from this dark, scary place,

Where I’m just a toy for bad men to efface.

It feels like my heart they have thrown on the floor,

Then jumped up and down till it’s broken and tore –

My heart hurts so bad – can’t you see how it bleeds?

For it like a sponge soaks up all their bad deeds.

So often the devil I see in his eyes,

Which tells me, ‘You’ll never escape despite cries!’

It warns me that pain without limits is due,

With no one to save me or find out what’s true!

They strip all my clothes off, so that ‘I’m so bad’

And if I refuse them – Boy, do they get mad!

He makes me so dirty, I cannot get clean –

Am told ‘I deserve it because I’m obscene.’

Those dark, dirty tatters and rags of despair,

Oh, can you not see them? Does nobody care?

Is there not some way that this vile night can end?

Must I live and die without hope, without friend?

Sometimes I am swallowed in darkness so big,

While Satan breathes down my foul neck like a pig,

The bad man then hurts me so bad I feel dead –

Please help me find safety and just a clean bed!

I always am scared and there’s no place to cry –

Nor may I e’er speak, or I’m told “You will die!”

Inside me all things are just blowing apart,

And I hurt so much that I can’t find my heart!

I am not allowed to step over the line,

Which others can’t see, but which marks my confines –

If outside this circle I drag my vile pain,

Then ‘they’d crush and kill me with nothing to gain.’

Oh, can you not hear all the little ones cry?

While bleeding and dying without a friend nigh;

Will anyone dare to come rescue from night?

And bring helpless children out into safe light?”

- Keturah ...SRA Survivor

September 13, 2012 ©

“In all your affliction, the Lord is afflicted with you,

as the angel of His Presence saves you.” Isa. 63:9

God Doesn't Waste Our Pain

God Will Never Waste Your Pain

After years of suffering the after-effects of countless abuses and destructions God made me aware that the pain of what I endured and survived with His help need not be a despicable thorn or abhorrent blotch to my life and future. Grasping eagerly at this concept, the Heavenly Father began to instruct me into His higher way of thinking about the excruciations and demolitions of the past...

1. To adopt the thought pattern that “I am a victim,” and focus solely on the pain will give Satan greater leverage in my life, just as he plotted to do through the abuse which he alone instigated.

2. The pain, filth and/or destructions must be brought to Jesus, Who is the only One capable of bearing such an agonizing load.

3. When the pain, perpetrator and past is surrendered to the hand of Jesus for cleansing/healing, along with “choosing to forgive,” then God steps in and turns the whole mess into tools within His divine hand to shape and refine His surrendered child to fit His plan more perfectly.

4. To remain bitter or attempt to cling to “my rights” will actually feed right into the roaring lion’s game plan to steal, kill and destroy me.

5. Satan’s schemes against me are defeated, and God can reverse all his attempts when the pain and past are put under the complete control and Lordship of Jesus and His blood, while being turned into divine tools.

God will never waste our pain and circumstances if we just choose to commit them 100% to Him and leave them there for Him to use in the eternal building of our lives. Because our heavenly Father sees our life from start to finish He is most qualified to be in full charge, as He uses even the most agonizing pain and dirty degradations to build eternal gains and glorify the name of Jesus Christ Who is the Source of our healing!

Prayer... “Lord Jesus, You know how the pain is so extreme that sometimes I cannot take another step as it engulfs me. I choose to surrender to You all this agony and I ask that You take all the tangled anguish, dark horror, and dirty shame and turn these impossibles into tools by which You can build my life and defeat the purposes of the enemy. Thank-You Jesus! A-men”

Abuse's Underground System

The Underground System of Abuse

There is in the underground system of use,

By satan’s trained agents, a world of abuse,

Where innocent victims are down-trod and trapped –

Are broken and bleeding, and in fetters wrapped.

Through violence and horrors, abuse and dread threats,

Where words of dark cruelty all the stage sets,

Here vile degradations destroy to the core,

It seems “hope and worth will be seen nevermore.”

The innocent victims, which few understand,

Are brutally caught in the enemy’s hand:

For satan’s trained agents seek total control

Of their victim’s body, heart, mind, and the soul.

Through scheming and plotting deliberate abuse,

They throw out, midst terror, this spine-chilling noose,

Which captures their prey in a yet tighter grip

While crushing the spirit and sealing the lip.

The threats and stark brainwashing few souls doth know

Set stakes in the captive which outward don’t show –

Invisible walls round the innocent stand,

And fences internal ensure freedom’s banned.

Their spirit is broken – so crushed – brought to naught,

And just as a robot they’re programmed and taught

That “fences internal can never be crossed,

Lest horrors increase, or some lives may be lost!”

The innocent cry out, “Lord, where have You been?

My Jesus, please save me from violence obscene!”

The agents have lied, saying “God does not care!”

But victims would die if the Lord was not there!

He tenderly holds them within His embrace,

Infilling each breath with divine strength and grace;

Midst horror and squalor and dark, endless pain,

Tis Jesus alone Who doth fully sustain!

He longs that you bring Him the rags of vile shame,

With heart-shreds of anguish, so bleeding and maimed –

When ALL to Him’s yielded He’ll make you brand new:

For things thought “impossible” Jesus can do!

- Keturah 

Pornography's Hell

Exposing Pornography’s Hell

There is a dread enemy prowling this land,

Polluting the printeries, on foul demand;

It crawls along subtle, or blatant it cries –

By internet access, around the world flies.

It creeps in the heart through the lust of the eye,

And lust of the flesh it would then gratify;

But once it begins, on its own it can’t stop –

Eventually drowns one in sin, death and slop.

It is an addiction with death-grips of hell,

Whose magnified appetite daily doth swell:

Each gruesome perversion becomes more advanced,

And he who engages, with Satan has danced.

It’s wrecking the homes and defiling the church,

While nations sweep downward in its filthy lurch:

For love is ice-cold where the porno life rules –

 Relationships die midst this vile devil’s tool.

The homes break apart where connections have died:

For porno is always the first satisfied;

The dear children suffer – the wife’s brought to naught

When this tool of Satan is used, lived and sought.

Pornography breeds out destruction and doom,

And captures the innocent in a vile tomb;

It shatters its victims in films, death and greed,

Attempting this limitless monster to feed.

Abuse and pornography walk hand in hand:

For those there enslaved “must feed lust on demand”

Despite children crying in filth, shame and fear,

They use them so lewdly while scorning their tears.

There’s nothing too shameful, obscene or perverse,

When Satan’s chained pawns are a slave to this curse –

They buy, bribe and sell at another’s expense,

 Whose shattered life pays midst this evil immense.

The devil would have you believe “you are trapped –

In porno’s dread talons forever are wrapped;”

But Jesus’ own blood is sufficient to free

Both slave and the victim: for He died for thee!

- Keturah ...A Survivor

  2012 ©

-a voice for the trapped & shattered victims

Invisible Walls & Fences Unseen

Invisible Walls and Fences Unseen

            A Trapped Victim’s Cry...

 “Oh, why is there none who my plight understands?

How is it they see not the wall’s massive bands?

Oh, why can’t they fathom how thick they do rate?

Which mind, thought or effort cannot penetrate!

The fences around all my life they don’t see,

And understand not that ‘I’ll never be free;’

The threats of dark death loom forbiddingly near,

When next to these bounds I attempt to appear.

Folks tell me ‘Just run from the ones that hurt you,’

But they cannot fathom that ‘this I can’t do;’

My life is at stake if I cross the dark line,

Which no one else sees, but sends chills up my spine.

For many have died when they tried to escape

The horrors and rituals, the filth, blood and rape,

The fence they would climb or the wall that they’d scale

Became a dark trap through which death did prevail.

Unspeakable terror which no mind can know

Entangle my being with talons that glow;

The cues, threats and triggers with magnets do draw

Away from the bound’ries where light seems to gnaw.

Am I beyond saving, and bound in death’s curse?

With no hope or help in this vile world, perverse?

Is there not just one who could lend me a hand?

Perchance there’s a God, just where does He now stand?”

          Jesus Answers a Victim’s Cry….

“My Child, I have seen all the horrors you bore,

And stood right beside you when death seemed in store,

Should I have withdrawn in thy anguishing night,

There would have been far greater darkness and blight.

Invisible walls that the world cannot see,

I understand clearly when I look on thee:

I know every stake that they pounded within –

Each nailing lie used to engrave their cruel sin.

But Child, there’s no fence – be it ever so high,

No wall that’s too thick, but that I can pass by;

Though man may not help you escape your pained plight,

My blood paid your ransom and for you I fight!

My blood has defeated each demon of hell,

 I’ve conquered the devil – each horror you tell;

I offer salvation, hope, freedom and light,

And I give safe refuge by day and by night.

Child, bring me the tatters which few understand,

Bring Me the dark threats, unseen walls, and demands,

The vile, bloody rags of filth, force, death and pain,

I’ll take it all Child, and exchange with My gain!

- Keturah  

There’s Hope, Freedom & Healing Because of Jesus!

Hope and Help for the Hurting

Gratitude For Law Enforcement

Lift Up Our Police Force

We thank the good Lord for enforcement of law-

This God-ordained power amid human flaw,

Who gave them authority in this dark world,

Where evil and good wage a war that’s unfurled.

Let’s look down the path that is lawless and grim-

Catch glimpse as a robber will loot a house, dim;

Then as we thus peer down the next darkened street,

One may feel repulsed when black whoredom they meet.

Around the next corner we witness a fight,

As drunken men curse and flash guns ‘neath a light,

The gunshots ring out and the death-moans are heard

As terror runs rampant and hatred is stirred.

While gazing down alleys, midst gathering gloom,

One glimpses the homeless, abandoned in doom,

So scantily clad, in fear’s shadows they shrink-

Of hunger and cold they so hopelessly think.

Now hear children crying in terror and pain:

For “daddy” got home, and “control is his name,”

With judgment perverted, so filthy his cup-

He shatters his wife as abuse she must sup.

Hark, watch now the speeders careening the road,

And hear rubber burning in foolishness mode;

What horror one sees as a child is struck down,

As trafficking drug dealers raced through the town.

The prisons are empty - unstopped is all crime

 And just to step out is a risk all the time:

For prowling each corner are lust-driven men

Who prey on their victims, destroying again.

The threats of dark death can be heard all around,

And bodies so lifeless are strewn on the ground;

All safety is vanished - there’s none left to care-

A world thus so lawless is filled with despair!

Let’s lift up our Police Force to heaven above,

Requesting that God would touch each with His love,

That He would protect them in each risk they take:

For if they’re not there, then our safety’s at stake!

For they are God’s ministers to us for good,

Who bear not the sword in vain, but as they should:

On those who do evil, to execute wrath,

So those who choose good can then walk a safe path!

*Thanks to all you officers in every police, detective, victim and

service division you may be a part of. God Bless You!

-Keturah

A Bigger Hand

A Bigger Hand

          Often in life, for all people, there are situations and circumstances which are unpleasant, and situations one would like to change. This is an even greater reality when one is dealing additionally with a shattered life of agony.

          It is very important to always remember that there is a bigger hand holding all the pieces of our broken life. When one’s life is falling apart at the scenes, or some type of abuse is shredding one’s heart, God is there with His hand to preserve His child and to catch every piece that falls. God will never let even one piece that He is holding to fall or be lost: for His love for you is incomprehensible.

          The hand of God is big enough to hold the mountains of agony which may be crushing you at this very moment. His hand is also big enough to lift those mountains and set you free. The scattered pieces of our agonized heart and life can all be gathered up by this hand divine which is so much bigger than anything we could ever experience!

Below are promises God gave me while I was bringing Him some of the painful pieces of my life...

·     I have chosen to preserve your life for My glory.

·     I have chosen to use the rejections and pain to prepare you for service when you release it to Me.

·      I have chosen you to understand and empathize with the rejected & broken-hearted.

·     I have chosen to give you beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for the years of tears, and a song of praise for the spirit of heaviness, pain and rejection.

·     I have chosen to turn Satan’s attempts at your soul’s destruction into My project of transforming the broken, pained and dirty shatters he instigated in your life into a cleansed and beautiful vessel through which to pour My love on the heart-broken.

·     You are of value to Me, and My thoughts toward you are more in number than the sands of the sea.

·     I will complete the work I have begun on you and will never let you go.

 My heart and prayers go out to all who are surviving abuse

or attempting to heal from its effects.

There is hope and healing for all!

How We choose to Take It

  How We Choose To Take It

It’s not what has happened to you in your life-

Though it may be heartache, deep anguish or strife;

The circumstance, outward, will not make or break-

What matters is how we will choose each to take.

So sad you may feel about what came your way-

You’re tempted to think you “can’t live one more day:”

Or else you can search for a person or place

Where someone needs love and be shown God’s great grace.

To crawl in a shell, so depressed, one may choose,

Believing that “they were created to lose;”

Or else count the blessings which still you possess-

Assured there are others in deeper distress.

Some say “life’s not fair, and that it can’t be borne,”

Neglecting to see fragrant roses midst thorns;

Or good we can seek and endeavor to share

God’s love with the needy, to show them His care.

The pain of the past need not dictate the pace,

Nor shall it determine just who wins the race:

For through Jesus Christ we can conquer and win,

Despite what we’ve been through- what pain we’ve been in!

The winning or losing can never be based

Upon all the things God allowed one to face,

But strictly in choosing the Lord as our Guide,

As Lord of our life – to walk close by His side!

                                                                    -Keturah

                                                                       

   

Where Was God Amid Abuse?

shepherdschristianbooksandgifts.com

My Jesus Was Always There

Sometimes it is hard to at all understand,

Just what in dark trial my Lord may have planned:

How could He allow all the suff’ring and pain?

Why did He not stop all the anguish that rained?

So often I’ve stared within death’s darkest face,

Not knowing if morning my breath would still trace;

And one could well wonder, “Was God really there?

Did He even help in the midst of despair?”

My friend let me tell you in tones full of trust,

That “Jesus was there despite rubble and dust-

When dark death was lurking midst pain none can rate,

The power of God I cannot estimate!”

For it was my Jesus Who always was there-

He salvaged my life from the depth of despair;

Had He not have been there all hope would have fled:

For I would have perished - been found only dead!

He tenderly held me within His embrace-

Though crushed, bruised and bleeding, He offered His grace;

Although when in anguish one can’t understand-

Assured we can be that God has each life planned.

Christ picked up the ruins of agony, dark-

In love’s tender care He preserved my torn bark;

The tatters of agony, mixed He with gold,

Producing a vessel to use and to hold.

I praise my dear Savior that He understands-

For using torn pieces in His divine plans-

For salvaging life midst the ruins of pain-

For using the anguish for infinite gain!

For pain I do thank Him, and praise Him anew

For each darkened trial that He’s called me through;

I thank Him for using abuse so untold

To teach me His love as His purpose unfolds!

- Keturah